Writing an obituary can feel overwhelming. When someone you love has passed away, finding the right words to honor their life isn’t easy. You may feel pressure to “get it right,” while also balancing your own grief. The truth is, there’s no single way to write an obituary. What matters most is that it reflects the person you’re remembering and provides comfort for family and friends who read it.
This guide will walk you through how to write an obituary step by step, provide a sample obituary, and share practical advice on how to capture a life story in a way that feels meaningful and respectful.
Why Obituaries Matter
An obituary serves several purposes. At its core, it’s a notice of death that shares essential details about the person’s life and funeral or memorial arrangements. But beyond logistics, it’s also a way to tell their story… how they lived, who they loved, and what they meant to others.
A well-written obituary can:
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Celebrate a life in a personal and heartfelt way.
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Provide a sense of closure for friends, extended family, and the wider community.
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Serve as a lasting keepsake for future generations.
Think of an obituary not as a formal announcement, but as a personal tribute.
The Basic Structure of an Obituary
While every obituary is unique, most follow a similar structure. Here’s a common outline to help you get started:
1. Announcement of Death
Begin with the person’s full name, age, and place of residence. You may also wish to include the date and place of passing.
Example: “Mary Elizabeth Johnson, 78, of Wilmington, passed away peacefully at home on August 20, 2023, surrounded by family.”
2. Biographical Information
Share key details about their life, such as date and place of birth, parents’ names, and highlights of their education, career, or military service.
3. Personal Details
This is where the obituary becomes more than just facts. Describe the person’s character, passions, hobbies, or community involvement. Did they love gardening? Were they known for their sense of humor? These touches bring the story to life.
4. Family Information
List surviving relatives (spouse, children, grandchildren, siblings) as well as those who passed before them. The wording can be formal or more relaxed depending on what feels appropriate.
5. Funeral or Memorial Service Details
Provide the date, time, and location of services or celebrations of life. If there will be no service, you can mention that as well.
6. Closing
Some obituaries end with a favorite quote, a Bible verse, or a special note of gratitude. Others may invite donations to a cause meaningful to the deceased.
Tips for Writing with Heart
Here are a few suggestions to keep the obituary personal and compassionate:
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Write as if you’re telling a story. Imagine you’re sitting with a friend and sharing what made your loved one special.
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Keep it honest. You don’t need to paint a perfect picture. A small mention of quirks, humor, or even stubbornness can feel authentic and endearing.
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Use plain, clear language. Simple words often carry the most weight.
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Think about the audience. Friends, neighbors, and community members who read the obituary may not know all the details of your loved one’s life. Include enough information for them to feel connected.
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Take breaks. Writing while grieving can be exhausting. Step away if you need to and return when you’re ready.
A Sample Obituary
Here is a sample obituary that illustrates how all of these elements can come together:
“John Robert Thompson, 82, of Dover, passed away on September 1, 20XX, surrounded by the love of his family. Born on March 10, 1941, in Dover, to Samuel and Margaret Thompson, John grew up with a deep respect for hard work and community. He served in the U.S. Army before pursuing a 40-year career as an electrician.
John was happiest when he was outdoors. Whether tending his vegetable garden, fishing at the lake, or fixing up old tractors, he always found joy in simple things. He had a knack for telling long stories that kept everyone entertained, and his laughter was unforgettable.
He is survived by his wife of 61 years, Helen; children, Mark (Susan) Thompson of Dover, and Rachel (David) Miller of Philadelphia; six grandchildren; and his sister, Anne Richards of Dover. He was preceded in death by his parents and his brother, Paul.
A memorial service will be held at Calvary Baptist Church, Dover, on Saturday, September 13, at 11:00 a.m. Friends and family are invited to gather afterward for a luncheon at the church hall.
The family wishes to thank the staff at Delaware Hospice for their compassion and care. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the American Heart Association.”
This obituary offers a balance of personal details, family information, and service arrangements, while also capturing John’s personality.
Common Questions About Writing an Obituary
How long should an obituary be?
It depends. Some newspapers charge by the word, which may require you to keep it shorter. Online memorials often allow longer submissions. Aim for anywhere from 200 to 500 words.
Do I need to include cause of death?
This is entirely optional. Some families choose to share it, while others prefer to keep it private.
What if I’m not a good writer?
Don’t worry about perfect grammar or flowery language. Focus on sincerity. If possible, ask another family member or friend to review the obituary before submitting it.
Where should the obituary be published?
Many families choose both local newspapers and online memorial platforms. Some funeral homes will post obituaries on their website as well.
Finding the Right Words
Writing an obituary is both a responsibility and a gift. It allows you to share the legacy of someone you loved, ensuring their story is remembered. Whether you follow a traditional structure or take a more personal approach, the goal is the same: to honor a life in a way that feels true.
If you’re struggling to start, gather with family and share memories. Often, the stories that come up in conversation, such as favorite meals, funny habits, and moments of kindness become the most meaningful parts of an obituary.
Remember: there’s no “wrong” way to do this. The obituary doesn’t have to be perfect. What matters most is that it reflects the heart of the person you’re remembering.
Final Thoughts
Writing about a loved one’s life while grieving can be difficult, but it’s also an opportunity to celebrate who they were. A meaningful obituary is more than dates and names—it’s a story, a tribute, and sometimes even a source of comfort for those left behind.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, know that help is available. Funeral directors can guide you through the process, and many will provide templates or editing support.
Take your time, speak from the heart, and trust that your words will mean something to those who read them. In honoring your loved one this way, you create a lasting memory that future generations can hold onto.
Since 2009, residents of Wilmington, Dover, and the surrounding Delaware community have relied on the caring staff at Evan W. Smith Funeral Services to help them through their darkest hours. Family-owned and operated, the company offers an array of elite funeral care services, including traditional funerals, cremations, memorials, pre-planning, grief counseling, and more. With decades of experience in caring for families from all cultural backgrounds and diverse walks of life, Evan W. Smith Funeral Services is committed to creating memorable, uplifting experiences that always exceed expectations. For more information, please visit www.evanwsmithfuneralservices.com.
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