When someone we love dies, the first instinct is often to “do what’s expected.” There is comfort in tradition, especially when grief makes decision-making feel heavy. But in our families, tradition has never been one-size-fits-all. Our faith lives next to our history. Our church home sits alongside our school pride. Military service can be part of a life story right along with Sunday dinners, gospel music, and the way folks came up down South.
At Evan W. Smith Funeral Services, we serve families in Wilmington and Dover who want a service that feels true. Not performative… not generic… true. The goal is to honor the person’s full identity, and to give the people who loved them something real to hold onto.
Below are ways families can weave faith, roots, and personal style into a service.
Start With a Portrait of the Person
Before you choose flowers or readings, pause and name the person you are honoring in everyday language.
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What did they call you, and what did you call them?
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Where did they come from, and what did they keep from home?
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What did they never miss, church, the game, a reunion, a yearly cookout?
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What did they carry with pride, their uniform, their letters, their Bible, their choir robe?
When a family can describe their loved one clearly, the service starts to build itself.
A meaningful service often includes a few signature elements that people will remember months later. A hymn that everyone knew by heart. A moment of silence with taps. A procession with the colors. A sorority hymn that brought the room to one voice.
Faith That Sounds Like Home
Faith is personal, and in many African-American families it is also communal. People remember what the church sounded like, what it felt like, and who showed up. Personalizing with faith can be gentle and specific.
Spirituals and gospel in the right moments
Spirituals carry memory. They carry survival. Families often choose one or two songs that tell the truth about their loved one’s walk with God.
Consider where music belongs in the service:
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A soft spiritual during the viewing as family greets guests
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A stronger congregational hymn after the obituary, when people need to breathe together
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A solo or choir selection at the committal, when words run out
If your loved one had a “their song,” the one they played on Saturday mornings or requested at revivals, that is usually the right choice, even if it is not the one people expect.
Scriptures and spoken words that match their life
Families sometimes feel pressure to pick “the standard” scriptures. There’s nothing wrong with familiar passages, but it can help to choose something that echoes their personality.
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For the steady, protective type, Psalm 121 or Isaiah 41:10 may fit.
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For the joyful, praising spirit, Psalm 100 may feel right.
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For someone who loved service and humility, Matthew 25:40 often lands deeply.
We also encourage families to include a short reading from someone who knew their faith in real life, not just in the pew. Think of the deacon who visited them, their prayer partner, or a niece who remembers the way they prayed over the phone.
Church touchstones
You can include elements that feel like church without recreating a full worship service.
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A responsive reading led by a trusted church mother or minister
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A prayer request moment where people can quietly name what they need
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A brief “raising of hands” praise moment if it is natural for the congregation
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A benediction in the exact wording your church uses
These details might feel small, but they help a room full of grieving people feel grounded.
Sorority and Fraternity Rituals with Respect
Greek-letter organizations are family for many of our loved ones, and the rituals matter. When done with care, these moments can be both dignified and deeply comforting.
Coordinate early with the chapter
If your loved one was active, reach out to their chapter leadership as soon as possible. They can advise on what is customary, who participates, and what regalia may be included.
Common options families choose include:
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Wearing colors, scarves, or pins during visitation
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A formal sorority or fraternity tribute at the service or at the graveside
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A hymn or song associated with the organization
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A moment for line sisters or line brothers to stand together
Keep the focus on the person, not the organization
Greek tributes can be beautiful, but they should still point back to who the person was.
If your loved one was proud of their letters because it gave them sisterhood, mentorship, service opportunities, and lifelong friends, speak to that. A short tribute about what the organization meant in their life often lands better than a long formal program that leaves some guests confused.
Display choices that feel tasteful
A small table with a framed photo, a pin, a program from a key event, and a note about their chapter can communicate pride without overpowering the room. When the family wants a casket spray or floral accent in colors, we can help it stay elegant rather than loud.
Military Honors That Tell the Story
If your loved one served, that service is part of their identity, even if they rarely talked about it. Military honors can be formal, but they are also profoundly personal.
Decide what feels right for your family
Some families want full honors. Others prefer a simple flag presentation and a quiet moment.
Options may include:
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Flag-draped casket
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Honor guard presence
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Taps at the graveside
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Flag folding and presentation to next of kin
If medals, a uniform cap, or a framed discharge document matter to your family, those items can be displayed with care.
Invite someone who served with them, if possible
A brief reflection from a fellow service member can add a layer of truth that even family might not know. It does not have to be long. A few minutes about how they carried themselves, what they stood for, and what they protected can be enough.
Pair military honor with faith or family traditions
Many families blend military elements with prayer, a hymn, or a scripture reading. That combination can feel right when a person carried both service and faith with them.
Southern Heritage
Southern heritage can be deeply personal. It might mean how someone spoke or how they cooked. What they taught the children, or the way they kept family ties even after moving north.
Personalizing with Southern roots is about honoring the traditions they carried with them.
Food, fellowship, and the welcome they were known for
If your loved one was the “feed everybody” person, acknowledge that. A repast or family meal can be part of the funeral experience, and it does not have to be elaborate to be meaningful.
Families often honor Southern heritage through:
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A favorite dish at the repast
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Recipe cards printed with “Mama’s” or “Big Daddy’s” signature recipe
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A small note in the program about what they were known for in the kitchen
Music that speaks to where they’re from
Sometimes the right music is a spiritual that Grandpa learned as a child in the Carolinas. Sometimes it is a quartet song they played driving down to visit family. Sometimes it is a hymn that makes people think of a little wooden church back home.
Language and details that ring true
If your loved one used certain sayings, called people by nicknames, or had a particular way of greeting folks, it can be woven into the obituary, the program, or the remarks. That is where personality lives.
Style and Presentation That Feels Like Them
Personal style isn’t shallow. For many people, it is how they moved through the world.
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A display of hats, handbags, or church fans that were part of their Sunday look
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A slideshow with photos that include everyday life, not only formal portraits
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A program cover photo that looks like them, not a stiff headshot from decades ago
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A color palette that fits their taste, soft neutrals, deep jewel tones, or traditional black and white
If they were known for being sharp, honor that. If they were quiet and simple, honor that too.
Making It Work When Your Family Has Many Voices
In most families, people grieve differently. One person wants a full church service. Another wants something small. Someone wants Greek rituals included. Someone else worries it will “take over.”
A helpful approach is to choose a few anchor moments that everyone agrees matter, and then build around those.
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One faith element that feels essential, a scripture, a prayer, a hymn
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One identity element, military honors or Greek tribute
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One personal element, a song, a story, a display, or a family ritual
When those anchors are chosen, the rest becomes easier.
A Final Word from Our Funeral Home Family to Yours
You don’t have to “get it perfect.” You are carrying loss. Your job is to love your person well in the way you say goodbye. Our job is to listen closely, guide you through choices, and help you create a service that feels honest.
If you’re planning a funeral in Wilmington or Dover and want a service that reflects faith, roots, and style in a way that fits your loved one, Evan W. Smith Funeral Services is here to walk with you. We can help you bring the details together with care, and with the dignity your family deserves.
Since 2009, residents of Wilmington, Dover, and the surrounding Delaware community have relied on the caring staff at Evan W. Smith Funeral Services to help them through their darkest hours. Family-owned and operated, the company offers an array of elite funeral care services, including traditional funerals, cremations, memorials, pre-planning, grief counseling, and more. With decades of experience in caring for families from all cultural backgrounds and diverse walks of life, Evan W. Smith Funeral Services is committed to creating memorable, uplifting experiences that always exceed expectations. For more information, please visit www.evanwsmithfuneralservices.com.
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